Rules of Bedroom Golf

This is too good to not share :)

> 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one
> club and two balls.
>
> 2. Play on a course MUST be approved by the owner of a hole.
>
> 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole
> and keep the balls out of the hole.
>
> 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
> Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
>
> 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club
> to avoid damage to the hole.
>
> 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
> until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure
> to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course
> again.
>
> 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
> upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take
> time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed
> bunkers.
>
> 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played
> or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played.
> Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for
> this reason.
>
> 9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along just in case.
>
> 10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been
> properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for
> the first time.
> Previous players have become irate if they discover someone else
> playing what they consider to be a private course.
>
> 11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.
> Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
> temporarily under repair. Players should be advised to be extremely
> tactful in this situation.
> More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is
> the case.
>
> 12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
> attempting to play the back nine.
>
> 13. Slow play is encouraged! However, players should be prepared to
> proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the owner's request.
>
> 14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play
> the same hole several times in one match.
>
> 15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
>
> 16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership
> at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course
> owner and
>
> the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer
> to continue to play several different courses.

Big ones or small ones

I'll bet that I had a few minds jump to some bits of anatomy, and I'm sure I'm going to disappoint some of you when I say that this blog is not about that!

I am speaking specifically about the social (mis)conduct in this lovely city called Johannesburg - that occurs mostly on the weekend but can also invade the working week.

Now for those not in the know, or in my realm - Friday nights tend to be rather pear-shaped... Arriving home between 3-6am is a norm, being smashed is expected and hating yourself the rest of the day is a definite.

But as I have alluded to in a previous post - my big ones are gone (well almost - the crowd went very quiet there :) ) I must be honest I love a big night out, but I am also getting to the stage where I truly enjoy a small group of friends going for a bite to eat, bit of banter and an early night to bed. Whats wrong with that?

The problem is - after dinner, having a few sharpies (aka boozes) most of the crowd tend to want to explode, converting a small one into a BIG ONE!

Yes I am getting old (I can't stop those numbers increasing like rings in a tree trunk) - this is not to say that I can't swim with the big fish (I am the big fish - ego.arrive()); I am merely re-visiting the value proposition of going out every Friday night blowing a 4 digit number on having an absolute blast that I can barely recall and wasting an entire day recovering. Doesn't sound too bad does it!? But it does, the responsibilities of all the little ventures, the extra bit of studying, the watching of DVD's that I keep buying and most certainly the reading of all the books I buy are greatly affected.

So I think it is time to implement a new strategy... 1 big one every so often and many small ones -this shall provide balance. Of course there are always exceptions and there is nothing quite like a spontaneous Big Night Out...

NB: Taxi's will be a standard requirement henceforth :P

Dating Season - A cricket analogy

I had a friend explain his concept of dating season (and due to him be a lazy S.O.B. - I am blogging it).

To begin with one must first understand that the dating season is not a pre-defined period but merely a length of time where the "player" is eligible to be a contender.

Eligibility is defined on the following basis:

-The Player is single.
-The Player has been cleared of all mental illness.
-The Player sports the correct attire.
-The Player is well aware of the playing rules.
-The Player's equipment is in good working order and has been cleared of any dangerous substances.
-Additional equipment may be utilised, if it is of a reasonable nature.

The rules are as follows:
1. The object of the game is for the Player to accumulate runs, whilst protecting his/her stumps from being dislodged.
a. The Player's score will be compared to the other players involved and he or she with the most runs is considered the victor.
b. The Player's innings may be calculated over many evenings, but and is not restricted to the number of deliveries played.
c. The Player's innings is considered over when of the out constraints have been reached.
d. The Player may be of either the male or female persuasion, the intention of this game is to play to the relevant opposite - although it has been known for some Player's to play for both teams.
e. A Team member will usually bat with the Player, although some players tend to prefer to bat alone.
f. The Team member or members may be required to aid the Player in accumulating as many runs as necessary. The Team member/s may also accumulate should the opportunity present itself.
2. Playing offensively will result in runs being awarded as follows:
a. A single for making contact with a prospect delivery
i. Contact is determined as conversation with the delivery
ii. The conversation must occur for a minimum of 3 minutes without interruption.
iii. Contact that is terminated for whatever reason before the 3 minutes is up but without an out constraint being reached is considered to be a "no-run" condition.
b. Two or Three runs will be scored if the Player manages to negotiate the delivery toward some sort of physical contact or free drink. A Player purchasing said drink to further enhance the innings will result in a "no-run" condition.
c. A boundary (4 runs) is scored when said interested party and the Player engage in some "tongue in cheek" behavior. This has a few different sporting terminologies: a lunge, a score, pulling in, tucking in, snogging, lashing and of course a kissing (French if you are really still unsure).
d. A maximum boundary is scored when the Player and the delivery make direct contact and leave the arena.
3. The Player may be considered out if any of the following occurs
a. The delivery has already been smashed for a boundary (or maximum boundary and is leaving the arena).
b. The delivery is unplayable leaving the Player stumped.
c. The delivery has been tampered with.
d. The delivery may be considered illegal if the authenticity is in question or the age of the action is not discernable - a proof of authenticity may be required before attempting to play said delivery.
e. A Run-out occurs when the either the Player or his team mate perform any behavior that destroys all hope of continuing the innings.
i. This will include any or all disturbing behavior (note Rule 2 of Eligibility has already been passed)
ii. Misconduct of any type - such as attempting to tamper with the delivery before obtaining permission.
iii. Playing the wrong delivery i.e. the team mate attempts to interfere with the Player's delivery.
Game play:
A Player will be expected to utilise his abilities to perform to be the best. It is important to note that many Players tend to end their innings (sometimes the season) prematurely when bowled over by a delivery (Stumps have been removed and are cart wheeling into oblivion). The season can continue indefinitely but it is assumed that the summer period is the focus period for all team players.
The better Player's tend to bat throughout the season, continuously accumulating runs while enforcing a high level of quality and conduct.

The Gym

I spend a lot of time at my gym ( I use this term quite loosely) – approximately an hour a day usually (for you lazy S.O.B. that’s more than you’ve thought of :) ). There are some characteristics of this gym that I think are worth discussing and I know SweetPea will certainly agree.
I believe when you involve yourself at a gym a certain understanding of the basic ground rules is a necessity:
1. Don’t interrupt someone training.
2. Your there to train, so train.
3. Do not stand around yakking – see point 2.
4. Do not bring your cellular phone with you – see point 2.
5. A sweat towel is actually necessary.
6. Put your weights back in THE RIGHT PLACE
7. I don’t have a problem with people that train with their romantic partners but FFS leave the kinky stuff at home (SP you know exactly who I’m talking about).
8. Gym is not a place to pickup chicks or guys etc – see point 2.
9. Don’t moan – no pain no gain, its true - rather stay home if you can’t handle that, because if I can hear you over my iPod you should not be there (or near me).
10. 20 Minutes of cardio isn’t going to do it… eating properly, being prepared and ensuring that you get into a routine will… so don’t moan if you eat fast food everyday and don’t see any improvements.
You could call these the 10 commandments.
Oh yes and Planet Fitness sucks!